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Grief can be difficult enough on its own. We’re not able to anticipate how we’ll feel following a loss or when we’ll feel it. Grief during the holidays, a time when celebrations, memories, and togetherness abound, can be especially challenging.

After suffering a loss — whether the death of someone important to us, a breakup, or a major life change — the holidays tend to bring that loss into sharper focus. To cope with holiday grief, we might find ourselves pulling back from festive traditions we once loved, or maybe we feel tempted to participate, but don’t know how to balance celebrating with our grief.

We all experience grief differently, and we all heal differently, too. When we’re grieving during the holidays, we can take special care to be mindful of our feelings and find what’s right for us in each moment.

These tips can help us approach the holiday season from a place of strength, even when we’re grieving.

1. Set clear boundaries.
One way to deal with grief during the holidays is to understand our boundaries and how much or how little we want to participate in the season’s celebrations. Traditions can be a source of comfort, but if they’re for the holidays after the death of a loved one, they can be painful. It’s up to us to decide which traditions are worth honoring and which ones are best to skip this year.

Well-intentioned friends often believe that company will do you a world of good, but moving forward at your own pace and knowing what’s right for you are what matters. This is why it’s best to set boundaries in our own interests.

Still, it’s important to remember that we can’t avoid the season altogether. Remaining present and aware of our surroundings means acknowledging and accepting that the holidays will still come every year. Knowing our limits can help us get through the season in a better way, including time spent on our own.

2. Acknowledge grief.
Not everyone experiences grief in the same way, but we do all experience it at some point in our lives. While we may be tempted to suppress our feelings of grief for the good of the holiday spirit, we can’t let that overshadow real pain we may be experiencing. The American Psychological Association (APA) notes that not talking about a loss can lead to isolation and discourage the people in our lives who are there to support us.

Asking for whatever kind of support we might need, whether that’s spending quiet time together with someone else or talking about the loss we’ve experienced, can help. Acknowledging grief can mean expressing our feelings, or it can mean reliving memories about the person who is dearly missed. If it’s not us but a friend or family member who is grieving during the holidays, that same approach might help if we find ourselves wondering what to say to someone who is grieving for the holidays.

To help friends dealing with grief during the holidays, just talking about it — asking them how they’re doing, talking about the loss they experienced — can be the right words of comfort for loss during the holidays.

3. Stay connected to thoughts and feelings.
We can’t predict when feelings of grief will hit us, and that means they could catch us off guard while we’re in the company of others. If we’re able to sneak away to be alone for a minute, one simple way to come back to ourselves and bring body and mind together is with a body scan meditation.

It’s not about changing anything about our present moment and what we’re feeling, it’s just about noting how we feel and finding a sense of calm acceptance. After we take that time to ground ourselves, we can spend time with others again.

Most of all, be kind to yourself. Grieving is hard. If you or someone you know needs support you might like to try Grief Australia or the National Association for Loss and Grief (NALAG).